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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

An Agonizing Wait.

Anyone who knows me in life, knows that I am always desperate to go somewhere. Mom's going to the bank, I tag along. Dad's going to go get milk, I'm in! A friend's going to do a mundane task, let me come too! Sometimes it gets so bad that if someone won't let me come, I nearly fall to my knees, begging and pleading "Take me with you!!"

Now that I can drive myself places, it's not quite so bad. If I need to go, I can. Ok that's a lie. Under my own power, with the ability to leave at any time, it's worse than ever.  I mean, going to the bank, or the library is fine, but it's just not enough. It's kind of why I started reading National Geographic Magazine a while back, so that I could see other places. It wasn't as good as actually seeing them, and mostly it just made me even more desperate, but it was something.

It's kind of funny. For a long time, there was this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that popped up whenever I looked at a map, or whenever I thought about traveling. I used to think it was like dread or something, but that can't be right because I love going places. Then I realized it wasn't dread. It was longing. I longed to go places. I longed to see them, feel them, smell them, hear them, breathe them. I was desperate. I wanted so badly to go to another city, another state, another country, to see everything I possibly can. I wanted to experience everything. I really hope that maybe I will.

In June I'm  going to go to Belize for a mission trip. Just thinking about it brings that feeling back, that lustful feeling. I am so anxious to go. Waiting for my passport, for my tickets, for June to come, is agony. Once I get there, it will only be satisfied for a bit. Once I get a taste of traveling, of true international traveling, I won't be able to get enough. I will never be satisfied by simply going to a library or the mall. Even now before I have even left it isn't enough. I am homesick for places I have never been before. 

I know that to some people, that's the weirdest thing ever. 'How can you be homesick if you don't even live there? She's got to be crazy' I don't know how, I just know I am. I am so excited, it hurts. It hurts to think that I'll be leaving this country, and going to a completely different one. It's just incredible. I'm going to another country, in another continent! It's so horrible too because, every day, every hour, every minute, every second; it is getting harder and harder to wait.
                                                                                                                Bri π

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